Is It Normal to Feel Like You Can't Stand Your Kid? (And What to Do)

I can't stand my kid. Yes, those words floated around my head at one point in time when my children were young. No, I don't feel that way anymore. Well, at least not as often.

I first wrote about this back in 2007, after a conversation with another mom about how our kids were driving us crazy. Then she said it: "Sometimes I don't like my kid." I thought she was so brave for saying out loud what I was feeling but couldn't admit. It was a relief to know I wasn't the only one.

So I wrote a blog post about it, and boy, did it strike a nerve. It became my most popular post, and I eventually learned that 20 to 30 people a day were searching "I can't stand my kids." I'm guessing that number is even higher now, with parents stretched thinner than ever.

If you've never had these feelings, that's great, but please leave the judgment at the door. This is a safe place for parents to be honest. And let's be clear: these feelings are not an accurate description of how we feel about our kids overall. They're a signal that something needs attention.

So I want you to hear this: Yes, it's normal to have days when you can't stand your kid. But understand, those feelings usually come from exhaustion, a child who is in a hard developmental stage, and your own nervous system running on empty, not from a lack of love. The way through is to understand what's driving the feeling, take care of your own stress first, and then rebuild the moments of connection with your child.

Why Young Kids Can Be So Hard to Like Some Days

Children ages 0 to 5 need us constantly. They need help eating, dressing, sleeping, and calming down. They climb on furniture, they climb on us, and they're touching us what feels like all day long -- they want and need connection.

They're also constantly pushing limits (which they are supposed to do at this age). Toddlers and preschoolers are figuring out that they're separate people with their own wants. That shows up as "no," whining, tantrums, and testing every rule you set. It's healthy development, but it's exhausting to live with.

When you're in the thick of a hard stage, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that it is a stage. Your child isn't doing this to you. They're doing the work of growing up, and it's loud and messy.

Your Child's Temperament and Your Own Nervous System

On top of the normal developmental challenges of this age, every child comes with their own wiring. Some kids are intense, some are persistent, some are high-energy, and some are slow to adapt to change. If your child's temperament is very different from yours, the friction can feel constant. A quiet, laid-back parent with a loud, go-go-go kid will feel drained in a way another parent might not.

Then there's your wiring. When you're running on little sleep, juggling work, and getting touched all day, your nervous system is already on high alert. In that state, small things feel huge. The whining that you could shrug off on a good day suddenly makes you want to scream.

So when you think "I can't stand my kid," it's often really "I can't stand how I feel right now." That's an important difference, because it tells you where to start.

Strategies: What to Do When You Can't Stand Your Kid

Say it to someone safe. Saying it out loud to a friend, partner, or another parent who gets it takes away so much of the shame. Remember how relieved I felt when that mom said it first?

Take care of your own stress first. Before you try to fix your child's behavior, get yourself steady. Step away for a few minutes if your child is safe. Take a few slow breaths. Get outside. Calm parents make better decisions than overwhelmed ones.

Notice your triggers. Is it the whining? The not listening? The constant touching? When you know what sets you off, you can plan for it instead of being caught off guard every time.

Look at the stage, not just the behavior. Ask yourself what your child is learning right now. Limit testing, independence, big feelings? Understanding the "why" makes the behavior a little easier to live with.

Find small moments you enjoy. Ten minutes of play where your child leads, a silly song in the car, cuddling with a book. These moments refill the relationship for both of you.

Lower the bar where you can. Paper plates, frozen dinners, a messy house. Protect your energy for the things that matter most.

Get support if the feeling doesn't lift. If you feel this way most days, or it's mixed with feeling hopeless or numb, reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional. You deserve support too.

The Bottom Line

So in closing, yes, it's normal to have days when you can't stand your kid, and it doesn't mean you don't love them. Those feelings usually come from exhaustion, a hard developmental stage, a temperament that's very different from yours, and your own nervous system running on empty. Often "I can't stand my kid" really means "I can't stand how I feel right now." Start by taking care of your own stress, notice your triggers, rebuild small moments of connection you both enjoy, and reach out for support if the feeling doesn't lift.

Quick Answers

Is it normal to not like your child sometimes? Yes. Many loving parents have days or stretches when they don't like their child very much. It usually reflects stress, exhaustion, or a hard stage, not how you feel about your child overall.

Does not liking my kid mean I'm a bad parent? No. Noticing the feeling and wanting to change it is a sign that you care. What matters most is what you do next: taking care of yourself and reconnecting with your child.

How do I stop feeling resentful toward my child? Start with your own stress and sleep, figure out what triggers you most, and build in small daily moments of connection that you both enjoy. If the resentment sticks around, talking with a professional can help.

Get My Free Tantrum Tamer Guide

If the hard days are mostly about tantrums and meltdowns, my free Tantrum Tamer Guide walks you through what to do in the moment, so you can feel calmer and more confident when things fall apart.

All my best, Jill

Jill Urbane, LCSW, is an early childhood interventionist with nearly three decades of experience working in the homes of families with young children.