What Is My Toddler's Communication Style? (And How It Affects Talking)

We all have our own communication style, right? Some of us feel completely comfortable talking with people we don't know. Others take a more cautious approach, staying quiet and jumping in only when and if we feel comfortable. Our toddlers are no different.

What Communication Style Is

Let's start by looking at what communication style actually means. I think of it as a child's preference in how they communicate with others: who they feel comfortable talking to, where, and how much.

I see communication styles as an offshoot of temperament traits (you can read more about temperament in my post on child temperament and toddler language). Having said that, unlike temperament traits, which tend to stay constant, I believe communication styles are more flexible. They can change with time, experience and confidence.

How Temperament Shapes the Way Your Child Communicates

It's important to understand our children's unique wiring (how they experience the world), because it can help us identify the best way to teach them. A child who approaches new people easily may chat with anyone. A cautious, slow-to-warm child may talk freely at home but go quiet around new people or in new places.

For example, my daughter was quite introverted during her school years. She was quiet at school and with kids her age, and only chatty with people she felt safe and comfortable with. Make a phone call to set up a doctor's appointment at age 18? No way! Have casual conversations with customers as a server? Absolutely not!

As her experience and self-confidence grew, however, her communication style changed. This is not to say that she walks into a room and wants to be the center of attention, but her comfort with casual conversations continues to grow and evolve.

Strategies: How to Support Your Toddler's Communication Style

Understanding our toddler's communication style is just one tool in our parenting tool box, but it can help us adjust our interactions to maximize learning and connection during language routines. Here are some simple strategies you can use during playtime and daily routines to support your child's style.

• Notice where and with whom your child talks most. Pay attention to when your child is chatty and when they go quiet. That tells you where they feel safe and comfortable.
• Start where they feel safe. Work on new words during familiar routines and with familiar people first, then build out from there.
• Take the pressure off cautious communicators. Telling a cautious child to say words is a sure-fire way for them not to. Back off on any pressure and let them come to you.
• Give them time to warm up. Be patient and allow plenty of time for your child to get comfortable in new situations before you expect them to talk.
• Keep routines predictable. Routines help cautious kids feel safe, and kids who feel safe are more ready to communicate.
• Build confidence over time. Remember, communication style can change with experience and confidence. Celebrate small steps and give your child lots of chances to succeed.

I go more in depth on this topic in my YouTube video. You can watch it here.

Want to know if your toddler is on track? Download my free Speech Milestones Checklist.

If you have concerns about your child's speech, reach out to your local early intervention program for support.

The Bottom Line

Your toddler's communication style is their preference in how they communicate, and it grows out of their temperament. Unlike temperament, though, communication style can change as your child gains experience and confidence. Noticing where your child feels safe to talk, taking the pressure off and giving them time to warm up can help them communicate more. When little ones feel safe, they find their voice, and that confidence keeps growing with them.

Quick Answers

What is a toddler's communication style? It's your child's preference in how they communicate with others, like whether they chat easily with new people or stay quiet until they feel comfortable.

Can my toddler's communication style change? Yes. Unlike temperament traits, which tend to stay constant, communication style can change with time, experience and confidence.

Why does my toddler talk at home but not around other people? Many cautious toddlers only talk where they feel safe and comfortable. Take the pressure off, give them time to warm up, and keep routines predictable.

All my best, Jill

Jill Urbane, LCSW, is an early childhood interventionist with nearly three decades of experience working in the homes of families with young children.