What Words Should I Teach My Toddler First? (Why Functional Words Matter Most)

I've been doing early intervention for MANY years with toddlers with language delays. In that time, I have met many well-intended parents who spend much of their time teaching their toddler letters, shapes, colors and the like. My suggestion to these parents: stop.

Let me share a quick story about a little girl I worked with many years ago. She was about 2 1/2 and had a language delay. During one visit, her parents excitedly told me that she was saying her ABC's and naming several colors and shapes. They had been working on it for weeks. While I understood their excitement that their child was saying words, her communication was not functional. By that I mean she was not able to tell them that she wanted water, more tickles or to be picked up. The words they were focusing on were not helping her in her daily routines and interactions.

So let's talk about functional communication...

What Functional Communication Is

Let's start by looking at what functional communication actually is. Functional communication is the ability to express wants and needs and to use language for social interaction.

Naming letters, shapes and numbers doesn't help toddlers communicate their wants and needs, and it doesn't help them use language to connect with others. Instead, we need to focus on teaching toddlers words that allow them to do both. Don't worry about letters, colors, shapes and numbers right now. That is what preschool is for!

Start With What Your Child Loves

It's equally important to understand our children's unique wiring (how they experience the world), because it can help us identify the best way to teach them. Every child has their own interests, and those interests are the doorway to their first words. A child is so much more motivated to learn a word when it's attached to something they love.

For example, I had a little boy who lived near the airport. He always heard the planes and pointed to the sky. His parents focused on the word "plane" because it was something he loved, and as a result, it was one of his first words. He used the word 'plane' for a social interaction, i.e., to tell his parents, "Hey, I see a plane, look!"

Strategies: How to Choose Your Toddler's First Words

So let's talk about what you can do. Here are some simple strategies you can incorporate into daily routines and playtime to teach the words that will make the biggest difference.

• Pick words your child is interested in. Notice what your child points to, reaches for and gets excited about. Those are great first words.
• Pick words that are a meaningful part of daily routines. For example, if your child (like many toddlers) loves his cup, work on his ability to find it, give it to you and, ultimately, name it when asked.
• Add some "power" words. Power words (also called core words) make up a much larger part of our speech than "fringe" words like nouns. I've read that up to 80% of our communication is made up of these power words. Examples include more, done, up, go and help.
• Make a list of 5-10 target words. I suggest that the families I work with create a list of 5-10 words they would like their child to say. Specifically, words that would make their lives easier AND their child's life easier.
• Target words where frustration happens. If your child cries or whines when he wants to be picked up, target "up" during those moments. If he LOVES trucks and points furiously at the window while screaming when one drives by, target "truck" during play, story time and while running errands.

One last note, if you have a little one who LOVES letters, then we want to follow their lead. BUT try to find ways to pair it with some functional words, e.g., put a letter in a cup and model 'cup' or 'in'; pretend to drink the letter modeling 'drink.' You are modeling words that can help them label or request paired with something they are interested in.

When you focus on words this way, your child will be more engaged and interested in learning them. And as they practice using these words, they learn just how powerful words can be. THAT is where the magic happens.

I go more in depth on this topic in my YouTube video. You can watch it here.

Want to know if your toddler is on track? Download my free Speech Milestones Checklist.

If you have concerns about your child's speech, reach out to your local early intervention program for support.

The Bottom Line

The best first words to teach your toddler are functional words that help them express wants and needs and connect with you, not letters, colors and shapes. Your child's own interests are the best place to start, because kids are most motivated to learn words tied to things they love. Pick a list of 5-10 words that include favorite things, daily routine words and power words like more, up and help. Once your child figures out that words make life easier, there will be no stopping them!

Quick Answers

What words should my toddler learn first? Focus on functional words: things your child loves, words from daily routines (like cup or bath) and power words like more, up, go, done and help.

Should I teach my toddler letters, colors and shapes? Not as first words. Those labels don't help toddlers ask for what they need or connect with others, so save them for later. That is what preschool is for!

What are core words for toddlers? Core words, or power words, are small, flexible words used across lots of situations, like more, done, up, go and help. They give toddlers a lot of communication power with just a few words.

All my best, Jill

Jill Urbane, LCSW, is an early childhood interventionist with nearly three decades of experience working in the homes of families with young children.