What Chores Can My Toddler Do? (And Why Chores Matter for Young Kids)

Chores or no chores, that is the question I get frequently from parents. I am going to be up front here and tell you that I am a BIG fan of chores for children, and I'm also a fan of starting at a young age.

So here's what I want you to know: Yes, toddlers and preschoolers can do chores! When I talk about "chores" for very young kids, I don't mean having your toddler wash the dishes and take out the trash. It's about expecting and helping them to complete simple daily tasks, with the goal that these become habits they do independently later. Starting early sets the expectation that everyone in the family has responsibilities.

Why Chores Matter for Young Kids

Let's start by looking at the development behind chores. I have said it before and I'll say it again: as parents we need to think about the "big picture." What do you want things to look like when your child is 5, 10 or 15? Do you want them to make their own lunches, take care of their own laundry, or clean up the dishes after meals? How much do you really want to be doing for them as they grow older?

For example, I knew that I didn't want to be making lunches forever. I know some parents like that particular task. I did not! I preferred for my kids to be able to choose what THEY wanted in their lunches. We started by setting up bins with healthy snack and drink options. They could pick a snack, a fruit, a drink, and then they had several choices for their actual lunch. With guidance and support, they created the lunch they wanted, which meant less waste and fuller bellies in the long run.

Looking back now as an Early Childhood Interventionist, I see there were so many developmental benefits to that one routine:

• It was full of language: labeling items, following directions and more.
• It allowed them to make decisions about things that mattered to them.
• They learned how to manage their time. Making lunch the night before meant more time to chillax in the morning before school.

Now if you are a parent who is saying, "I did chores as a kid and I hated it. I won't do that to mine!" I want you to consider the MANY benefits of chores:

• Increases independence. Chores teach kids how to take care of themselves. One thing I know for sure: when my kids move out, they know what needs to be done to maintain a home.
• Builds self-esteem. While they might not be aware of it (or care) at the start, successfully completing tasks is a huge boost to self-esteem. Kids who do chores regularly feel more confident about handling hard or undesirable tasks.
• Teaches perseverance and a strong work ethic. Kids benefit from understanding that sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. Chores help them learn to push through. Consider how this translates later on, since many first jobs involve tasks like cleaning and washing dishes.
• Teaches teamwork. As the owner of a restaurant, I have seen this firsthand. Our employees (most of whom are teenagers) who came from homes where they had chores complain less about work, get along better with coworkers and work harder. They are also more likely to give other team members a pat on the back during a grueling shift. These kids are our rock stars!
• Builds an understanding of how families work. This was an important one for me as a parent. I wanted our kids to understand that all family members contribute to the greater good of the family. That means helping with yard work without a bunch of drama, stepping up when someone is under the weather, and knowing we are all in it together. We used the word "contributions" as the kids grew older and started to complain. I remember a conversation with my son when he was about 8. He wanted to revisit everyone's "contributions" because he felt he had too many chores. After we reviewed ALL the contributions EVERYONE made to keep our home running (including paying the mortgage, buying groceries and paying the utilities), he decided his contributions were sufficient and carried on without further complaint.
• Helps with planning and time management. Do I do my chores right after school so I can relax later, or before bed so I can play outside after school? Learning to plan for undesirable tasks helps kids manage their time better later on.

Why Some Kids Jump In and Others Push Back

It's equally important to understand our children's unique wiring (how they experience the world), because it can help us identify the best way to teach them.

• Strong-willed kids often resist being told what to do. Chores can quickly turn into a power struggle, which is why the way we word things (more on that below) matters so much.
• Sensory-seeking kids usually love chores that involve "heavy work," like carrying the laundry basket, pushing a box of toys or wiping the table. These jobs give their bodies the input they crave and can actually help them feel calmer.
• Cautious or sensitive kids may need you to show them a task several times before they try it on their own, and may avoid jobs with textures or noises they don't like (hello, vacuum!).

Our own wiring matters too. If you're anything like me, you may want things done a certain way. When we jump in to "fix" how our toddler folded a towel, they get the message that their effort isn't good enough. And when our kids push back, it's easy to get triggered and turn it into a battle. Staying calm and keeping it light goes a long way.

Strategies: How to Start Chores With Your Toddler or Preschooler

So let's talk about what you can do. When we first started chores with our kids, we used a visual chore chart. I personally didn't like the term "chore" and preferred to call it a "To Do List," since that's what most of us call it as adults. For young kids, many of the tasks aren't really chores at all. They are things we want them to do independently, like brushing their teeth and getting dressed.

Here are some simple strategies you can incorporate into daily routines to build chores into your child's day:

• Start sooner rather than later. A habit is "a regular tendency or practice." That is exactly what we want: an automatic practice our kids just do.
• Use a chart or daily routine schedule. I like a "to do" list for preschoolers where they can learn to check off completed tasks.
• Use enforceable statements. As your child grows, they will inevitably push back on chores. If your child wants to go play outside but hasn't cleared their dishes, try, "Absolutely you may go play outside after you've cleared your plate!" Enforceable statements are worded in a way that decreases power struggles, and who doesn't want that?
• Don't pay your child to do their chores. I know some of you will disagree, but hear me out. Paying kids for their daily responsibilities creates a "what's in it for me" attitude. As I explained to my son many years ago, I don't get paid to do my chores. Sometimes we do things we don't like because they just need to be done. Having said that, I will pay kids to do MY chores, like vacuuming or cleaning windows. This teaches them that when they go above and beyond for others, they will be rewarded.
• Be a role model. Show them YOUR to do list. Share how you like to tackle it ("I like to do mine first thing in the morning so I can relax the rest of the day") and how you feel when you check things off. Just be sure to model a healthy to do list. We don't want them thinking they have to do 40 things a day!
• Surprise them with a day off or a special treat. Our kids loved this. About once a month, I would do one or both of their chores for them, usually on a day I knew would be rough (lots of activities or a bad night's sleep). I framed it as a result of their hard, consistent work or a kindness they'd shown someone. It was a great boost to their self-esteem, and the beautiful thing is they would often return the favor and give me a day off! Kids are so generous in that way.
• Praise them using "you" statements. Instead of only saying "I am so proud of you," try, "You should be very proud of yourself, you worked really hard on that!" Our goal is for kids to learn to be proud of themselves.
• Be consistent. Lack of consistency is where the wheels fall off the train for many parents. Kids need to know that we say what we mean and do what we say we are going to do. If your expectation is that chores are done before bed, follow through every day.
• Be okay with less than perfect. Think of toddlers and preschoolers as trainees. They won't make their beds perfectly or put every toy exactly where you want it. Our job in these early years is to coach them and help them experience success. It is all about effort in the beginning!

Wondering what chores to try? Here are some good starting points:

• Toddlers: picking up toys with help, helping with laundry (they love putting things in baskets!), and clearing the table by putting their cup, plate and utensils in the sink.
• Preschoolers: all of the above, plus getting dressed, making their bed, feeding pets, packing lunch with help and picking out their clothes for the day.

It is entirely up to you which skills you work on. The goal is to help them build life skills they can take into adulthood. And really, isn't that our ultimate job as parents?

I go more in depth on this topic in my YouTube video. You can watch it here.

I have a visual schedule/chore chart designed for young children in my Etsy shop, which you can find here. You can learn more about how visual schedules help young children in my YouTube video here.

The Bottom Line

Toddlers and preschoolers can absolutely do chores, as long as we think of them as simple daily tasks that grow into habits. Chores build independence, self-esteem, perseverance and teamwork. Some kids need more support because of their temperament or sensory needs, and our own expectations and reactions matter too. Starting early, using a simple chart, wording things to avoid power struggles and being okay with less than perfect all help. With practice and consistency, your child will learn that they are a capable, contributing part of the family, and THAT is some powerful motivation for a little one.

Quick Answers

What chores can a 2-year-old do? Toddlers can help pick up toys, put clothes in the laundry basket and bring their cup and plate to the sink. Expect to help them, and focus on effort, not perfection.

Should I pay my child for doing chores? I don't recommend paying kids for their everyday responsibilities, because it creates a "what's in it for me" attitude. Paying them for extra jobs that go above and beyond is a different story.

What if my toddler refuses to do chores? Try an enforceable statement, like "Absolutely you can play after your toys are in the bin!" Keep it light, stay consistent and use a visual chart so the chart becomes the boss, not you.

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All my best, Jill

Jill Urbane, LCSW, is an early childhood interventionist with nearly three decades of experience working in the homes of families with young children.