Can My Toddler's Temperament Affect Their Speech? (What Parents Need to Know)

As an Early Childhood Interventionist for nearly three decades, one thing I have learned while working with toddlers with speech delays is that there are a number of factors that can affect getting to those precious first words. One of those factors is the child's temperament.

So I want you to hear this: yes, your toddler's temperament can affect how they learn to talk. Temperament doesn't cause a speech delay, but it shapes how your child approaches people, play and learning. When the way we teach clashes with how our child is wired, learning gets harder. When it fits, learning gets easier.

What Temperament Is

Let's start by looking at what temperament actually is. When we think of temperament, most of us think about strong-willed children, laid-back children and the like. You may be interested to learn (I know I was) that there are actually nine traits that make up temperament. Research on child temperament began in the 1950s with the work of Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess. They found that these traits were present at birth and continued to influence a child's development throughout life.

In a nutshell, temperament is a set of inborn traits that organize a child's approach to the world. These traits help shape your child's distinct personality, and they also shape how your child goes about learning about the world around them.

That is why understanding a child's temperament is so important for parents. It gives us deeper insight into how our children tick, which makes it easier for us to tailor OUR approach to their individual uniqueness. Just as a teacher has to figure out how each student learns best, we need to do this for our children.

The key here is to remember that these traits are inborn. We can't change them (as much as we would like to sometimes)! Problems arise when the strategies we use to encourage growth and learning clash with our child's temperament. That includes our own communication and parenting style.

The Nine Traits and Three Types of Temperament

It's equally important to understand our children's unique wiring (how they experience the world), because it can help us identify the best way to teach them. Most of the nine traits are self-explanatory, so rather than describe each one in depth, I'll share questions to help you see where your child fits. I like to think of each trait as a continuum, with most children falling in the middle and some at either end.

• Activity. Is your child always moving and doing something, or do they have a more relaxed style?
• Rhythmicity. Is your child regular in their eating and sleeping habits, or somewhat haphazard? Some kids run like clockwork and others don't seem to have any rhyme or reason. I find that my kids can be very regular about some things (like what time they get up) and irregular about others (like what time they go to bed).
• Approach/withdrawal. Does your child approach unfamiliar people and places without hesitation, or tend to shy away from new people or things?
• Adaptability. Does your child adjust to changes in routines or plans easily, or resist transitions?
• Intensity. Does your child react strongly to situations, positive or negative, or react calmly and quietly?
• Mood. Does your child often show a negative outlook, or are they generally positive? Does their mood shift often, or are they usually even-tempered?
• Persistence and attention span. Does your child give up as soon as a problem comes up, or keep trying? Can they stick with an activity for a long time, or does their mind tend to wander?
• Distractibility. Is your child easily distracted from what they are doing, or can they shut out distractions and stay with the activity?
• Sensory threshold. Is your child bothered by things like loud noises, bright lights or food textures, or do they tend to ignore them?

These traits combine to form three basic types of temperament. About 65 percent of children fit one of these three types. The other 35 percent are a combination of these patterns.

The easy or flexible child. About 40% of children fall into this group. These children are generally calm, happy, regular in their sleeping and eating habits, and don't get upset easily. They are also very adaptable. All right, who are the lucky parents out there with one of these kids?!

The difficult, active or feisty child. About 10% of children fall into this group. I must say that number seems quite low based on all the parents I have met over the years who describe their children as "difficult." These children are often fussy, irregular in their eating and sleeping habits, and fearful of new people and situations. They are easily upset by noise and commotion, high strung and intense in their reactions. These kiddos can be a real challenge for even the most skilled parent.

The slow to warm up or cautious child. About 15% of children fall into this group. These children tend to be less active and fussy. They tend to pull back or react negatively to new situations, but their reactions gradually become more positive with repeated exposure. I've worked with MANY children like this over the years. They can be frustrating for parents because they are often clingy, preferring to stay by a parent's side rather than explore or play with peers. They often have a harder time moving into new situations like preschool.

Strategies: Matching Language Strategies to Your Child's Temperament

So let's talk about what you can do. Here are some simple ways to match your language strategies to your child's temperament so playtime and daily routines become better learning opportunities.

For easy or flexible kids:

• Use the language strategies you love. These kids are usually receptive to a variety of language strategies. I find they are often engaged and enjoy social interaction and play, which makes using strategies pretty easy for parents.
• Make time to connect. Because these children are easygoing, it's important to set aside special times to talk about their frustrations and hurts, because they won't demand it or ask for it. This kind of intentional communication is sometimes needed to find out what these kids are thinking.

For difficult, active or feisty kids:

• Start with their sensory needs. I find that these kids often benefit from sensory-based strategies like heavy work and calm-down zones.
• Build language into sensory play. These kiddos are often quite busy, which can make them hard to engage. Bodies in motion are hard to teach! Activities like sensory bins, or adding sounds and actions to physical games, can really ramp up the learning.

For slow to warm up or cautious kids:

• Stick to a routine. Routines make these children feel safe.
• Keep your word. If you say you are going to be right back, then you better be RIGHT BACK.
• Give them time. Be patient and allow them plenty of time to build relationships in new situations. Rushing a slow-to-warm child to engage before they're ready usually backfires horribly.
• Take the pressure off. These kiddos are probably the most challenging to work with when it comes to language. They are keen observers and very sensitive to any attempt to MAKE them do something. Telling them to say words is a sure-fire way for them not to. Back off on any kind of pressure and let them come to you.

Temperament is just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to getting toddlers talking. A related piece is your child's communication style, which I talk about in my post on toddler communication styles.

I go more in depth on this topic in my YouTube video. You can watch it here.

Want to know if your toddler is on track? Download my free Speech Milestones Checklist.

If you have concerns about your child's speech, reach out to your local early intervention program for support.

The Bottom Line

Your toddler's temperament is a set of inborn traits that shapes how they approach people, play and learning, including learning to talk. Knowing whether your child leans easy, feisty or slow to warm helps you choose the right approach. Flexible kids thrive with everyday language strategies and intentional connection, feisty kids learn best through sensory play, and cautious kids need routine, patience and no pressure. When your approach fits your child's wiring, learning to talk feels safer and more fun, and THAT is how we build the motivation for them to keep trying.

Quick Answers

Can temperament cause a speech delay? Temperament doesn't cause a speech delay, but it can affect how easily your child engages with you and learns language. Matching your strategies to their temperament can make a real difference.

What are the three types of temperament? Researchers Thomas and Chess described the easy or flexible child, the difficult or feisty child, and the slow to warm up child. About 35% of children are a mix of these patterns.

How do I get my shy toddler to talk? Take the pressure off. Stick to routines, give them time to warm up, and avoid telling them to say words, which often makes cautious kids talk less.

All my best, Jill

Jill Urbane, LCSW, is an early childhood interventionist with nearly three decades of experience working in the homes of families with young children.