How Does My Toddler's Brain Develop? (What Every Parent Should Know)

I think that having a basic understanding of brain development is one of the most important tools in our parenting toolbox. When we understand how our little ones' brains grow, we can make sure we are using strategies that actually fit where they are developmentally.

So here's the short version: a baby's brain grows faster in the first three years than at any other time in life. It grows through repeated, loving experiences with the people who care for them, and it develops from the back to the front, which is why we can't expect logical, "smarter" decisions from our toddlers and preschoolers just yet.

After nearly three decades of working with families, I've seen it again and again: the first three years lay the foundation for everything that comes after. The stronger the foundation we build in those early years, the better set up our kids are for the long run. And that foundation isn't built with fancy programs. It's built in the everyday moments we share with them.

How a Young Child's Brain Grows

Let's start by looking at the development behind it. Here are the takeaways I think matter most for parents:

• From open field to highway system. At birth, our kids' brains are like large, open fields with a few small walking paths here and there. By the time they are three, that field has become an intricate highway system with multiple ramps, bridges and exits.
• Rapid growth comes from connections. That growth happens as new connections form between brain cells (neurons), and myelination makes those connections faster and stronger. In the early years, the brain forms more than a million new connections every second. Did you know that by age three, a child's brain is already about 80% of its adult size, and about 90% by age five?
• Repetition builds the roads. Repetition strengthens those connections. This is why young children love doing the same songs and finger plays or reading the same book over and over. It can be tiresome for us as adults, but it fuels the connections in their brains.
• The brain develops from the back to the front. At birth, the pathways are mostly developing in the brain stem, or lower brain. With repeated experiences with caregivers and their environment, those connections extend to the mid-brain and eventually the outer brain. Logical and analytical thinking develops around age 6 or 7. This is important for us as parents because we often expect our preschoolers and kindergartners to make "smarter" decisions than their brains are ready for.

Why Safety and Movement Come First

It's equally important to understand our children's unique wiring (how they experience the world), because it can help us identify the best way to teach them.

Because the brain builds from the bottom up, the lower parts that handle survival, emotions, movement and the senses need to feel steady before the thinking brain can do its job. In an article on brain hierarchy, Alene Villaneda puts it this way: "The development of higher functioning skills like reasoning, reading, language and problem solving cannot work in the classroom if your child's lower systems that control automatic movement, emotions and survival impulses are not working properly. Furthermore development of the lower system for sensory stimulation, motor skills, balance and positive emotional experiences directly affect your child's attention, focus, fidgeting, behavior and social skills and critical thinking in school."

That means:

• Stress gets in the way of learning. When a child feels unsafe or overwhelmed, the lower brain takes over and learning shuts down.
• Sensory and movement needs are brain needs. A toddler who needs to climb, jump and touch everything is building the foundation that later learning sits on.
• Every child's system is different. Some kids are easily overwhelmed by noise or change, while others need lots of movement to feel calm. Knowing your child's wiring helps you know what helps them feel safe.

Our own nervous system matters too. Our kids borrow our calm. When we stay steady during their big moments, we help their brains feel safe enough to settle and learn.

Strategies: How to Support Healthy Brain Development

So let's talk about what you can do. Here are some simple strategies you can incorporate into daily routines to encourage healthy brain development:

• Give them lots of love! Feeling connected and safe is the best way to develop healthy brains. There are numerous studies that show the harmful effect that stress has on young children's brains. So love them babies up!
• Give them chances to explore. Movement is a CRUCIAL part of learning for young children. Giving them space and opportunities to safely explore is a brain supercharger.
• Embrace the repetition. Sing the same song, read the same book and play the same game again. Each time, you are strengthening those connections.
• Offer a healthy diet. Since one of the most important periods of brain growth happens before age three, getting kids the nutrients they need is a crucial part of brain development.
• Set limits with love. Young children need boundaries to keep them safe. Giving those boundaries in a firm but loving way lets them experience frustration and recovery. This is a key part of building emotional regulation and healthy stress responses. Feeling safe and supported after big emotions gives them a strong foundation for handling stress as adults. Who doesn't want that for their kids?!

I go more in depth on this topic in my YouTube video. You can watch it here.

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The Bottom Line

A young child's brain grows incredibly fast in the first three years, building connections through repeated experiences, and it develops from the back to the front. Because the lower brain comes first, feeling safe, moving and exploring are what make later learning possible, and our own calm helps them get there. Lots of love, room to explore, repetition, good nutrition and limits set with love all support healthy brain growth. Every song you sing again and every hug after a hard moment is building your child's brain, one connection at a time.

Quick Answers

How fast does a toddler's brain grow? Faster than at any other time in life. By age three, a child's brain is already about 80% of its adult size, and by age five it's about 90%.

Why does my toddler want the same book over and over? Repetition strengthens the connections in their brain. It may be tiring for us, but it's exactly how they learn.

Why can't my preschooler make better decisions? The brain develops from the back to the front, and logical thinking doesn't really develop until around age 6 or 7. Young children need our help and guidance to make good choices.

All my best, Jill

Jill Urbane, LCSW, is an early childhood interventionist with nearly three decades of experience working in the homes of families with young children.