How Do I Get My Toddler to Imitate Me? (My Favorite Song to Try)

If you have watched any of my other videos, you know how important foundational language skills are in getting toddlers talking. One of these skills, and often the most challenging, is imitation. It is essential to get toddlers to imitate our sounds and actions in play, but that can be tricky.

So here's the good news: imitation can be taught, and play is the best place to do it. My favorite tool? Songs with simple, silly gestures and today I'm sharing the one that usually gets even the most stubborn little one imitating.

Why Imitation Comes Before Words

Let's start by looking at the development behind imitation. Imitation is a critical part of learning any skill, and talking is no exception. Before a toddler copies our words, they need to be able to copy our actions and sounds.

The sequence of imitation that I work on with families is:

1. Imitating gestures (clapping, waving, patting your head)
2. Imitating gestures with sounds ("boom!" while you bang the table)
3. Imitating gestures with words ("up" while raising their arms to be lifted)

Gestures are a bridge to get to words. When a toddler can copy a gesture, we can start pairing a sound with it, and then a word. This is why I talk about imitation as one of the five foundational skills that need to be in place for words to follow. You can read more about all five in my post Why Isn't My Toddler Talking Yet? (5 Skills They Need First).

Why Some Toddlers Won't Copy You

It's equally important to understand our children's unique wiring (how they experience the world), because it can help us identify the best way to teach them.

There are a number of factors to consider when we talk about language development in young children, including communication preferences, parenting styles AND temperament! I've met MANY a toddler over the years who has a high need for control, and those little ones are often less willing to imitate actions or sounds. Copying someone else means following their lead, and that can feel like giving up control.

Sensory needs play a part too. A sensory-seeking toddler may jump right in when a song has big movements like stomping, clapping and jumping. A child who is sensitive to noise may pull away from a loud, fast song but join in when you sing softly and slowly.

And don't forget about us! When we really want our child to do something, it's natural to push a little harder. Toddlers feel that pressure, and many resist it. The more playful and low-pressure we keep it, the more likely they are to join in.

Strategies: How to Get Your Toddler Imitating

Here are some simple strategies you can incorporate into playtime and daily routines to build imitation:

• Try Bam Sam Sam. This is my modification of the song Ram Sam Sam, and I have to tell you, kids LOVE it! I've gotten more kids to imitate the gestures, and ultimately the sounds and words in this song, than with any other I've tried. Be sure to download a free PDF copy of Bam Sam Sam here.
• Make your gestures big and slow. Exaggerated actions are easier for little ones to see and copy.
• Sing the same song again and again. Repetition helps toddlers know what's coming, and that makes it easier for them to join in.
• Pause and wait. Stop right before a gesture or sound and give your child a few seconds to fill it in.
• Copy them first. If your child bangs a toy, bang yours too. Imitating them turns it into a game and shows them how the back-and-forth works.
• Celebrate any attempt. A half clap or a sound that's close counts! Skip the "say it" or "do it" demands and keep it fun.

I go more in depth on this topic in my YouTube video. You can watch it here.

Want to know what to look for at each age? Grab my free Speech Milestones Checklist.

If you have concerns about your child's speech or language development, reach out to your local early intervention program. You can find your state's program here.

The Bottom Line

Imitation is one of the foundational skills toddlers need before words, and it usually builds from gestures, to gestures with sounds, to gestures with words. Some toddlers, especially those with a high need for control or sensitive sensory systems, resist copying when it feels like pressure. Silly songs with big gestures, lots of repetition and plenty of waiting make imitation feel like play. When copying you becomes the fun part of their day, THAT is how we build the motivation for them to keep trying.

Quick Answers

Why won't my toddler imitate me? Some toddlers have a high need for control, and copying someone else can feel like giving it up. Keeping imitation playful and pressure-free usually helps them join in.

What should my toddler imitate first? Start with gestures, like clapping or waving. Then add a sound to the gesture, and eventually a word.

Do songs really help toddlers talk? Songs with simple actions are a fun, low-pressure way to practice imitation, which is one of the skills that comes before words.

All my best, Jill

Jill Urbane, LCSW, is an early childhood interventionist with nearly three decades of experience working in the homes of families with young children.